So here I am, settled in to a new domicile. I have a new camera rig, something I have wanted for a very long time. I lost my edit machine, but after a painful hiatus, I have a wee little laptop that allows me to write and manipulate images (and hopefully, at some point proxy edit some video.) I am standing at the precipice of a major life change. Now what?
To be honest, I don't really know. I know sort of vaguely, that it is time. It is time to take the bull by the horns and take charge of my creative output. I do not entirely know what that will look like, and that is scary. Overcoming the hump and getting off your creative ass is scary, but not nearly as scary as the sudden realization that you are careening towards a lifetime of phoning it in. I have read this phrased a number of ways over the last couple of months, each a reflection of the voice conveying it—all I can do is it put it in my own words—if you don't get off your ass and live your life now, one day you will wake up and realize everything that you have thrown away for the sake of the empty safety that comes from never having put yourself out there. Now that is a petrifying thought.
Today I woke up at 5am and finished a stupid little photoshop job. I haven't felt so good at 7am in over a year. I am exhausted at 8pm, but I am writing the first text over a couple hundred words in weeks. I will get up at 5am again tomorrow and work some more. I am going to be punching the clock, putting in the time. To what ends? I am not sure yet, but I am not going to wait long to figure it out. I don't know what the output will look like in 12 months, or even in 12 hours. But I do know that just taking the first steps, pushing pixels and increasing word counts, is the best therapy I have had in a very long time. I can't guarantee it will be the only therapy I need, but is the one I need most right now.
There is a little voice in the back of my head screaming right now. It demands that now is the time for some profound statement, an elegant turn to tie these ramblings together. But that little bastard is the reason I am in this position in the first place. Sorry, nothing profound right now. Now, it is time to grind it out.
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